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Sunday, June 21, 2009
Father’s Day
R.C. Myles
By Kyle Lewis
I am honored to have the opportunity to speak with you this morning. But I have to confess, I am not a trained Father’s Day speaker. As a matter of fact, in terms of being qualified to speak at church, I have not even taken any of the Disciple classes that everyone always talks about. Beyond the fact that Harvey is out of town, why I really think I am here is that Harvey is using me as a case study where he is putting into action a quote that I have heard often here at Church, that “God loves us too much to let us stay where we are”. So, although I present to groups about commercial real estate, speaking at church is definitely pushing me out of my comfort zone. But to keep things tied biblically, I asked Harvey to proof my material today and offer some connections that I might have missed. So, please accept my remarks in this light.
About my book Although my book is called the Next Generation of Dads, it is fundamentally about the importance of mentors and role models. Obviously that topic applies to both men and women, so even though today is Father’s Day, I would like to focus our discussion this morning on the impact of positive role models. In my opinion this topic is one of the most critical issues facing our society today. What I would like to do this morning is first tell you why I wrote a book, then share four stories and finally ask you to walk away with me with an action plan. A few years ago I was with some friends, some of whom were new fathers, and we were discussing how things are so different for kids growing up today than they were for us. It seems like the world hits kids earlier and with so much more these days. It is in this environment that my friends and I concluded that the importance of positive role models is greater than ever. After reflecting on our conversation, I embarked on a project; I decided to journal the stories of the role models that had a part in molding me into the person I am today. My initial idea was to thank them for what they had done for me. After writing these down, I then shared my work with others, who in turn were excited to offer stories about certain individuals who profoundly impacted them. I began to collect these stories and decided to organize them and publish them as a book. It has been a fun project and I can tell you that I learned a great deal from a number of people. I hope these stories have meaning to you. At the end of the day, the project has helped me to think about what kind of a dad and mentor I am and how I can do things better.
My Dad Being that it is Father’s day, I would be remiss if I did not tell the story of my own Dad. My Dad was born in Tulsa Oklahoma and grew up in fairly meager circumstances. Suffice it to say he did not have the things that I was afforded when I was growing up. My Dad’s dad was a good man who worked very hard as a long haul bus driver. It was a different day and age and to put food on the table, Grandpa had to work very long hours and was gone on the road a considerable amount of the time. My dad’s mom also worked and at a fairly young age my Dad’s parents divorced, leaving a disrupted home for my Dad and his two younger brothers.
I remember stories that my Dad used to tell me about people who impacted him when he was a kid. His Grandma made an effort to help him and his brothers as much as she could. I also remember visiting my Dad’s Aunt and Uncle, who went out of their way to show up for his various sporting events and influence my Dad in a positive way. But in particular, I remember the stories and numerous visits that we made as kids to go see Mr. and Mrs. Tanner. These were the parents of a good friend of my Dad’s, who he says, “cared for him as if he was one of their own children”. My Dad used to say that he probably had more meals at the Tanner house than he ever did at his own home. It was these people that gave my Dad the example of what kind of Family he wanted to have. A few years ago, in their mid eighties, the Tanners passed away. I remember watching my Dad grieve during that time. It was as though my Dad had lost his own parents.
Have you ever seen the movie Pay it Forward? Well it is based on the idea of someone doing a good deed and then passing it along to someone else. I think that concept best describes what my Dad and my parents did. To this day I have numerous friends who have moved away but when they come back to Colorado to visit, they always make a point to go see my folks. Over the years I have heard from many of my friends that tell me the example of family they hope to replicate is that of my parents.
When I told my Dad I was including his story in my book, he remarked that being there for us kids and my friends was really no big deal, it just seemed like the right thing to do. Well, I know to a number of my friends it was a big deal. Sometimes the smallest things that we do and say have a significant impact on those around us, particularly when the people around us are impressionable kids. What a wonderful thing my Dad did by taking the initiative to repeat some of the positive things that were bestowed upon him.
Coach The next story I would like to share with you is one that I am sure many of you can relate to. Think of a coach or teacher that had a profound impact on you. For me, it was my high school wrestling coach. Coach Barron, who is still the Wrestling Coach at Heritage High School, was the epitome of what you might imagine a wrestling coach to be. He is about 5 feet 11 inches tall, has a goatee beard and generally looks like one tough old guy. But as tough as he is, he also has a sensitive side that he is not embarrassed to share with his wrestlers. I was fortunate to wrestle for coach for three years in high school and I have been one of his assistant coaches for the past 18 years. Over that time I have seen hundreds of kids that he has impacted in significant ways. One consistent example of this comes every year in what I call his Thanksgiving speech. I have heard it many times, and it goes something like this: “OK guys. You have the next couple days off. I expect you to enjoy yourselves and eat some good food. I have several things I would like you to do for me. First, don’t take more food than you can eat. Remember there are less fortunate people out there and food is not to be wasted. Next, be sure to go for a run or go work out so you stay in shape over the Holiday. Third, when your meal is finished, I want you to go up to the person who cooked your dinner and say thank you. Finally, there is one more thing I want you to do for me, decide on one person, maybe it is your Mom, or your Dad or your Grandma. Go up to that person and tell them that you love them.” Usually there is a giggle from the crowd. And then Coach goes on, “That’s right. Go up to them and tell them you love them. Listen up, I am bigger and meaner than any of you and I still tell my Mom I love her. I love my mom and if she dies tomorrow I want her to know how I feel. I am serious guys, I am asking you to do this. But, for those of you that don’t have thanksgiving plans, or your circumstance does not allow you to do what I just said, well then you come see me after practice. Because, if that is the case, you are welcome to come home with me and spend Thanksgiving with my family. But if you come to my house, you will be expected to tell me that you love me!”
I can still vividly remember the first time I heard this speech I was a sophomore in high school. I remember thinking, this is silly, my mom and Dad know that I love them, but as I thought about it, I could not remember the last time I had actually told them. I mean sure, of course they knew I did; on birthday cards I always signed, “Love R.C.”, but as I thought about it, I could not remember actually saying those exact words. Suddenly, I began to get nervous when I realized what Coach had asked me to do. I mean I was a cool 15 year old tough wrestler, but to actually go up and just say that? What was he thinking? Why was he giving us this assignment?
So after stewing on it for a day or two, I gathered up the courage and I did it. I remember I caught my parents off guard and my brother and sister liked to have fallen on the floor. But you know what, the first time I said it was the hardest. In looking back, it was one of the best lessons I have ever learned. To this day, I rarely miss an opportunity to say “I love you” to someone I care about. I wish I had started sooner, but I am glad Coach helped me figure it out when I did. Several years ago, my 92 year old Grandma passed away. I am pretty sure that every time I talked to her for the last 20 years I told her I loved her. To think I learned that lesson from a High School wrestling coach, a man who was not my Dad, but a positive role model in my life and in the lives of many others. Can you imagine what could happen if more teenagers could be exposed to that kind of example?
Alec Another great story… I have a friend from my office who is just a great guy. He is in his thirties and he has always made an effort to be a coach, or a mentor or some way be involved with helping kids. Of all the volunteer activities that Alec does, one of the neatest is his commitment to a summer camp for kids. The unique thing about this camp though is that it is only for kids that have been burned. You may have heard about it, it is called the Cheley Burn Camp up by Estes Park.
Alec tells me that there are kids that have been injured in all sorts of accidents, but in some cases there are kids that have been intentionally burned. He describes the remarkable process of watching the kids blossom as the week goes on. You see most everywhere these kids go, their burns make them different than everyone else. But at burn camp, everyone is the same. Alec has been a camp leader for many years and one of the best parts of the camp happens when they go out on horseback and under the stars they start a big bonfire, roast marshmallows and talk. When I first heard this I said “isn’t it hard for these kids who have been burned to be around a fire?” He explained to me that for many of them it is like facing the enemy, but for all of them it allows them to get in touch with their feelings. Alec says every year he ends up sharing a tear with one or more of the campers who is struggling with the emotional side their injury. But Alec says their resilience is astounding.
Several years ago, Alec made a bold personal challenge to his campers. He decided to train and run an ironman triathlon on their behalf. Over the last several years Alec has completed five of these races. It is obvious that he loves letting these kids know he cares about them and that he is there to help. What a wonderful thing he has done for these kids. When I commended Alec for his great work, he told me, “You know, that’s the thing about it, I really get a lot more out of it than I give.” This is an interesting thing to think about when it comes to being a role model and a mentor.
Accountability So here is one last story for Father’s Day before I close. A thought I would like to leave you with is accountability. In my opinion being a positive role model means being accountable. I believe accountability reaches into all aspects of our lives. I work hard to be accountable to my clients and associates at work, to my wife and kids, and to my friends and to people I interact with. I don’t have it down, but it is something I strive for. One of the best examples of accountability that I recall occurred in the mid 1990’s off the waters of Hawaii. There was a United States submarine practicing maneuvers of diving and rising to the surface. Unfortunately the sub crashed into a Chinese fishing vessel killing many on board. You might recall that the commander of that ship came forward and accepted full responsibility for the loss of life that occurred that tragic day. My wife TiVo’d an Oprah where this man was interviewed. He talked about how hollow he felt knowing that his actions impacted so many lives. When the event occurred, he faced the media frenzy and did not hide under a cloak of legal secrecy. He wept openly and asked God for his forgiveness. In an effort to own up to what had happened, he personally went to China to apologize to the families of those that were lost. He did not mean to hurt those men. It was an accident. I have the highest respect for this man and I suspect the families of those that were impacted do to. His ability to be accountable is an example for us all. Biblical connections
The biblical connections that Harvey noted for me in my remarks today are very valid indeed. First, Harvey noted “To whom much is given, much is expected,” a very appropriate sentiment for most of us. Second, Harvey noted that by “Following your Father’s example the Bible says you are honoring your Father and Mother.” Finally Harvey noted the connection that Jesus had to Children. I am intrigued by this concept and its tie to the underlying purpose that we as role models should bear in mind.
Harvey then asked me, “R.C. what is it you are doing to live life in these ways?” In an attempt to put these words and examples into action, I have committed myself to being accountable. To the best of my abilities I have taken up the idea that to whom much is given much is expected. I find time to be a Coach, a Sunday School teacher and I try to interact with kids as often as possible. I also try to give back to my community by serving as a volunteer for Arapahoe Community College and the Colorado Center for the Blind. But above all else, I look for opportunities to do what Jesus would do. You know, I often struggle as I pick up the paper or turn on the news and wonder what it is that I can do to make this world a better place. But I keep coming back to this one solution. Do everything I can to help kids feel better about themselves. So that is my action plan. I humbly encourage each of us to search out those opportunities for impact. Treat kids in the right way. Because together we can make a difference. Thank you for listening to me today.
He is a commercial real estate broker with Fuller Real Estate. He has been with Fuller for 19 years and has been recognized as Denver’s Commercial Realtor of the Year, one of Denver’s top 40 business leaders under 40 and is consistently ranked as one of Denver’s leading industrial brokers.
R.C. is active in the community and is Chair of the Board of Directors for Arapahoe Community College Foundation, and is a past Board Member for the Financial Advisory Board for the Colorado Center for the Blind. R.C. is married to Karen and has three children, daughter Erin 13, son Luke 10 and son Mitchell 7. R.C. and Karen have been active members of St. Andrew for 16 years. He also served on the site selection committee when we located this property and the Building and Relocation Committee when we sold our old property and built this building. He has also been a Sunday School teacher for many years.