Sermon for
Sunday,
Father's
Day ~ June 20, 2004
MENTORING
7th in a
Series on "Building
Your Life on a Solid Foundation"
By
Rev.
Dr. Harvey C. Martz
Mr.
R. C. Myles
Scripture:
I Timothy 4:12-16
12
Let no one despise your youth, but set the believers an example in
speech and conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 13 Until I arrive,
give attention to the public reading of scripture, to exhorting, to
teaching. 14 Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given
to you through prophecy with the laying on of hands by the council
of elders. 15 Put these things into practice, devote yourself to
them, so that all may see your progress. 16 Pay close attention to
yourself and to your teaching; continue in these things, for in
doing this you will save both yourself and your hearers.
My
daughter Meredith just sent me a great card a few days ago. It says:
I
wanna thank you dad for teaching me so many valuable lessons like - "Money doesn't grow on chickens before they're
hatched"
"The
early bird gets a job well done"
"Two
wrongs don't make a penny earned"
"And
you thought everything you said went in one ear and walked a mile in
their shoes."
We
fathers often wonder if we are making any impact with all of our
talking and time and teaching - and now I know!
Father's
Day was first celebrated in Spokane, Washington in 1910. It came from
Sonora Dodd who had the idea of honoring fathers while listening to a
mother's day sermon in church in 1909. Her father, William Smart, was
a Civil War veteran who was widowed when his wife died giving birth to
their sixth child. Mr. Smart raised the newborn along with his other
five children on a rural farm in eastern Washington state.
Sonora
Dodd realized as an adult the sacrifices her father had made as a
single parent and lobbied for a special day in June to be celebrated
as Fathers Day.
In
1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea for a national
Father's Day and in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a
presidential proclamation declaring the third Sunday of June to be
Father's Day.
The
day can be one of mixed feelings for some. Some people recall their
fathers as cold, judgmental, or fear and guilt inducing or even
absent. Others can recall more positive memories and can also think of
other male figures in addition to their fathers who were positive
models and mentors as they grew up.
I
had the opportunity and privilege to work with my father as a teenager
in his small café and sandwich shop so I felt I knew him well and
learned some valuable lessons about hospitality and customer service
and hard work.
And
there were also some other important male figures in my adolescence
who knew me and listened to me. They included my youth ministers in
high school, my band directors, and the counselors in my De Molay
group. In college I had good mentors and was influenced by the campus
ministers at our university, by a couple of history and philosophy
professors, and by the manager of the department store where I worked
all during college. Some of those persons had no idea that they were
role models and mentors, others did, but their influence is still with
me.
We
heard in the scripture reading about a very familiar character in the
Bible who was a conscious mentor for several younger associates of
his. As far as we know the apostle Paul had no children but the verses
we heard are said to be addressed to one of his children in the faith.
Timothy is mentioned several times in Paul's letters and Paul refers
to him once as "my beloved and faithful child in the Lord."
Paul saw one of his roles to be to nurture and mentor younger Timothy
in his Christian faith. This parenting side of Paul is one that we
sometimes overlook but it is surely present and one we need to
remember.
I
have chosen on this Father's Day not only to look at our fathers and
to be thankful for their positive influence on us, I also want us to
remember others who have been good father figures for us and mentors
for us, and I want us to remember that we are asked to serve as
mentors and parent figures as Paul did with Timothy - to offer our
time and abilities and life experience with children and youth who
need us.
And
I have asked one of our church members to share the sermon time with
me today and to talk about parenting and mentoring. He is R. C. Myles
who is the father of three children ages 8, 5 and 2. R C is married to
Karen and he is a commercial realtor. In fact, R C is senior vice
president of Fuller and Company and was named commercial realtor of
the year in Denver about three or four years ago. He has been an
active member of our church Building Committee for several years.
Before that he was a key member of the site acquisition committee five
years ago that researched 30 different sites for our new building and
recommended the 16-acre property we are now building on. He has also
served most recently on our property disposition committee, which has
been negotiating with prospective buyers for our current building.
R.
C. is in the process of writing a book on fathering and after I had
the privilege of reading a draft of what he has written I asked him to
share the sermon time with me today to talk about people who have
influenced him as a father and how he is giving his time as mentor not
only to his own children but to other youth in our community.
[R.C.
Myles]
I
am honored to have the opportunity to speak with you all this morning.
The topic of mentoring and being a positive role model in my
opinion is one of the most significant issues facing our society
today. About two years
ago I was with some friends, some of whom were new fathers, and we
were discussing how things are just so different for kids growing up
today than they were for us. It
seems like the world hits kids with so much more and so much earlier.
It is in this environment that my friends and I were discussing
that the importance of positive role models is greater than ever.
After reflecting on our conversation, I embarked on a project;
I decided to chronicle the stories of the role models that had a part
in molding me into the person I am today.
Over the last couple years as I have assembled these stories I
have learned a great deal. First,
I amassed a lot of wonderful stories that helped me think about what
kind of a dad and mentor I am and how I might do things better.
I was also elated to learn that as I shared my compilation of
stories with other people, most would immediately tell me one of their
own stories about a remarkable role model in their life. Today Harvey asked if I might share a few of the stories that
are closest to me.
My
Dad
Being
that it is Father's Day, I would be remiss if I did not tell the story
of my own Dad.
My
Dad was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma and grew up in fairly meager
circumstances. Suffice it
to say that he did not have the things that I did when I was growing
up. My Dad's dad was a
good man who worked very hard as a long haul bus driver.
It was a different day and age and to put bread on the table,
Grandpa had to work very long hours and was gone on the road a
considerable amount of the time.
My dad's mom also worked and at a fairly young age my Dad's
parents divorced, leaving a disrupted home for my Dad and his two
brothers. I remember
stories that my Dad told me about his Grandma who made an effort to
help the boys as much as she could.
I also remember visiting my Dad's Aunt and Uncle, who went out
of their way to influence my Dad in a positive way.
But in particular, I remember the stories and numerous visits
that we made as kids to go see Mr. and Mrs. Tanner.
These were the parents of a good friend of my Dad's, who he
says, "cared for him as if he was one of their own
children". My Dad
used to say that he probably had more meals at the Tanner house than
he ever did at his own. It
was these people that gave my Dad the example of what kind of Family
he wanted to have. When
the Tanners passed away when they were in their mid eighties, I
remember thinking that it was like my Dad had lost his own parents.
Have you ever seen the movie "Pay it Forward"?
Well, it is based on the idea of doing a good deed and then
passing it along to someone else.
And in effect, that is exactly what my parents did.
To this day I have numerous friends that come back to visit and
they always make a point to go see my folks.
Over the years I have heard from many of my friends that the
example of family that they hope to replicate is that of my parents.
When I told my Dad I was writing this story down he said that it was
really no big deal what they did, it just seemed like the right thing
to do. What a wonderful thing my Dad did by taking the initiative to
do things a different way and repeat some of the positive things that
were bestowed upon him.
Coach
The
next story I would like to share with you is one that I am sure many
of you can relate to. Think
of a coach or teacher in your life that had a profound impact on your
life. For me, it was my high school wrestling coach.
Coach was the epitome of what you might imagine a wrestling
coach to be. He was about
5 feet 11 inches tall, a goti beard and generally looked like one
tough old guy. But as
tough as he was, he also had a very sensitive side that he shared with
his wrestlers. I was
fortunate to wrestle for coach for three years in high school and
following college I have been one of his assistant coaches for about
fifteen years. Over that
time I have seen hundreds of kids that he has impacted in a
significant way. One
example of this comes every year in what I call his "Thanksgiving
speech". Having
heard it as many times as I have, it goes something like this:
"OK
guys. You have the next
couple days off. I
expect you to enjoy yourselves and eat some good food.
I have a couple things I would like you to do for me.
First, don't take more food than you can eat. Remember there are less fortunate people out there and food
is not to be wasted. Next,
be sure to go for a run or go work out so you keep your
conditioning. Third,
when your meal is finished, I want you to go up to the person who
cooked your dinner and say thank you.
Finally, there is one more thing I want you to do for me,
decide on one person, maybe it is your Mom, or your Dad or your
Grandma. Go up to
that person and tell them that you love them."
Usually there was a giggle from the crowd.
And then Coach would go on, "That's right.
Go up to them and tell them you love them. Listen up, I am bigger and meaner than any one of you and I
still tell my Mom I love her. I
love my mom and if she dies tomorrow I want her to know how I feel.
I am serious guys, I am asking you to do this.
But, for those of you that don't have thanksgiving plans, or
you aren't sure what you are doing, or your circumstance does not
allow you to do what I just said, well then you come see me after
practice. Because, if
that is the case, you are welcome to come home with me and spend
Thanksgiving with my family. But
if you come to my house, you will be expected to tell me that you
love me!"
The
first time I heard this speech I was a sophomore in high school.
I remember thinking, this is silly, my mom and Dad know that I
love them, but as I thought about it, I could not remember the last
time I had actually told them. I
mean sure, of course they knew I did; on birthday cards I always
signed, "Love R.C.", but as I thought about it, I could not
remember actually saying those exact words.
Suddenly, I began to get nervous when I realized what Coach had
asked me to do. I mean I
was a cool 15-year-old tough wrestler, but to actually go up and just
say that? What was he thinking? Why
was he giving us this assignment?
So after stewing on it for a day or two, I gathered up the
courage and I did it. I
remember I caught my parents off guard and my brother and sister liked
to have fallen on the floor. But
you know what, the first time was the hardest.
In looking back, it was one of the best lessons I have ever
learned. You know to this
day, I rarely miss an opportunity to say, "I love you" to
someone I care about. I
wish I had started sooner, but I am glad Coach helped me figure it out
when I did. Last year, my
92-year-old Grandma died. I
am pretty sure that every time I talked to her for the last 20 years I
told her I loved her. To
think I learned that lesson from a High School wrestling coach!
A Man who was not my Dad, but a positive role model in my life
and in the lives of many others. Imagine what could happen if more
teenagers could be exposed to that kind of example.
Alec
I
have one more story for you. I
have a friend of mine from my office who is just a great young guy. He is in his thirties and he has always made an effort to be
a coach, or a mentor or some way be involved with helping kids. Of all
the volunteer activities that Alec does, one of the neatest is his
commitment to being involved in a summer camp for kids.
The unique thing about this camp though is that it is only for
kids that have been badly burned.
Alec tells me that there are kids that have been injured in all
sorts of accidents, but in some cases there are kids that have been
intentionally burned. He
describes the remarkable process of watching the kids blossom as the
week goes on. You see
most everywhere they go, their burns make them different than everyone
else. But at burn camp,
everyone is the same. Alec
has been a camp leader for many years and one of the best parts of the
camp happens when they go out on horseback and start a big bonfire,
roast marshmallows and talk. When
I first heard this I said, "isn't it hard for these kids who have
been burned to be around a fire?"
He explained to me that for many of them it is like facing the
enemy, but for all of them it allows them to get in touch with their
feelings. Alec says every
year he ends up sharing a tear with one or more of the campers who is
struggling with the emotional side their injury. But Alec says their resilience is astounding.
Three years ago, Alec made a bold personal challenge to his
campers. He decided to
train and run an ironman triathlon on their behalf. Alec is currently training for his third race.
It is obvious that he loves letting these kids know he cares
about them and that he is there to help.
What a wonderful thing he has done for these kids.
When I commended Alec for what he does, he told me, "You
know, that's the thing about it, I really get a lot more out of it
than I give". An
interesting thing to think about when it comes to being a role model
and a mentor.
You
know, I often struggle as a pick up the paper or turn on the news and
wonder what it is that I can do to make this world a better place.
But I keep coming back to this one solution.
Do everything I can to help kids feel better about themselves.
Thank you for listening to me today.
And by the way if you have a story you would be willing to
share with me, I would love to hear about it!
Feel free to email me at
.
[Harvey]
For
most of us adults whether or not we have had children or whether our
children are grown and far away there will always be good
opportunities for us to make a difference for young persons as parent
figures or big brother/big sister figures. Jim Spencer had some
stories about that in his Post column on Wednesday. He wrote about
three men who have been active in the Big Brother/Big Sister program
over the years. Ed Rapport is now 86 and a retired ad executive. When
he was 34 he became a "Big Brother" to Mike Blumenthal who
was 9 years old. Blumenthal had lived for six years in children's
homes in New Orleans and Cleveland. He was in dire need of a close
parent figure. He says of himself, "I was feeling abandonment,
rejection, and confusion." So for the next four years the man and
boy spent every Sunday together, and that fathering time made a life
changing difference for Mike Blumenthal.
It
was so powerful an influence that Mike Blumenthal as an adult started
to volunteer as a Big Brother to an 8-year-old boy whose father had
died when he was 3. That relationship was transforming also and
Blumenthal later helped the young man get a job and introduced him to
his future wife. Blumenthal later volunteered with another child who
was 7 when they met. And
that young man who is now about to graduate from college is set to
enter the same mentoring role himself when he graduates from college
and is eligible to be a big brother to a boy who needs a father figure
just as he did 15 years ago!
Most
of us can find a way to be a parent figure and mentor through some of
our St. Andrew ministries such as teaching Sunday school or working
with youth or working in our Rainbows program for children who have
lost a parent through death or divorce.
The
last story I will share about mentoring is in a new book that I will
be recommending to our book study group. The book is written by a
satirist and comedian and film star who grew up in England and was in
some comedy sketches with the Monty Python group. He tells about the
Benedictine priest named Father Joe who he met at the age of fourteen
when he was taken to the monastery to get some counseling for his
budding affair with a married woman. Tony Kendra, the author, found in
Father Joe a compassionate father figure who became his counselor and
priest and confidant for the next fifty years. He always felt when he
would go and spend time with Father Joe that he was accepted
unconditionally and loved unconditionally and he left comforted and
strengthened and empowered to make more of himself and his life.
And
he saw in the unconditional love that this little funny looking priest
had for him, he was the love of God. That is what he says on the front
of your bulletin: He had come to see Father Joe because his life was
in a mess. Father Joe just listened for a long time. And he told Tony
Hendra, "Tony dear, you will only be able to love when you
understand how much you are loved. You are loved with a limitless,
fathomless, all embracing love."
Hendra
was in his fifties and the old priest was in his 80's now and they sat
there. Hendra writes, "Father Joe placed his hand on mine and we
sat in silence. His hand was older, the skin slacker, as big and bony
as ever and warm. I sat there a long time feeling its peace flow into
mine and through my aging frame."
The
words Father Joe spoke are true. You and I will be able to love when
we realize how much we are loved. You are loved with a limitless,
fathomless, all embracing love." And God's dream for you and me
is that we will now be willing to share that love with others who need
to know it and experience it.
That's
the good news from the gospel on this Father's Day 2004.
Amen.
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